Pong 10 - Gamechat
Pong 10
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Players and Civilizations:
Nate: ChinaJoe: Zulu
Nico (Pete): Phoenicia
Zar: Netherlands
Darren: Inca
Horse: Russia
Spanarkel: Macedon
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Joe
Session 1 Begins - Turn 1: 4000 BC
April 18, 2019
Nate
Session 1 ends - Turn 67: 360 BC.
Spanarkel8
The Macedonians want it know that we will stop at nothing to wipe Peter of Russia off of the planet. He asks for friendship and then not once but twice tries to forward settle us. It is war!
Joe
The Zulu chants can be heard for miles around their Ikanda. They call forth the power of their ancestors to pacify the land of barbarians. They praise a strange concept they call Zef, a state of mind that is somehow at once savagely ferocious and culturally refined.
Horselover Fat
It is the snow covered tundra which we settle, a place only Russia can live in. We sit in the snow, only wishing to worship our holy lord of the Salty Farts. We heard no warning from Macedon of forward settling. Only the greeting of Hetaroi, if forward settling is their grievance, then the city they speak of is already destroyed, what need have they to continue? If my people become soundless, unable to spread our gospel through improv fart humour, wiped from the buttox of the Earth, then it will be your people who fall to Macedon next.
Joe
Zulu men and women listen intently to the legends of heroes brought to them by exotic travelers from unknown lands. Compared to such conquests, the Zulu achievements over the barbarians are mere skirmishes.
Spanarkel8
How can I lead my people to greatest with the lingering reminder of the Russian betrayal that occurred while your people prance around in the tundra making brown snowmen ? We will not settle until the Russians are no more. Stand up for them and find yourself next to face my mighty Hetaroi army.
Nate
The Chinese are a jungle people. We once believed that the Heavens favored us, but now we know better. The Dutch surrounded us and took our land. We defend ourselves for now, but their super weapons will inevitably destroy us.
Horselover Fat
What betrayal do you speak of? I thought you liked our brown snowmen....
Darren
The Incans greet the world from atop the towering peaks. We see no conflict in our lands other than that with primitive barbarian tribes, easily dispersed by our warriors. We are an industrious people, and have set about converting the mountains and surrounding land via great works of labor.
We seek peace and mutual gain with our neighbors: to the west, the solemn Chinese, who we wish safety and prosperousness through difficult times. More familiar to us is our eastern neighbor, the mighty Zulu, whose warriors and archers have made short work of roving barbarians. We are intrigued by their unique songs and culture.
Zar
The Dutch are a people of the river. We cling to all the rivers around us as they are our lifeblood. Initially our encounters were pleasant with the Chinese, but soon the cramped land began to run out. We tried to cooperate by not hindering the Chinese settlement southeast of their capital. We hoped this would be enough to stay on good terms. However, the greedy Chinese were not satisfied and demanded that a second group of our settlers move to a less desirable location. We refused, and they declared a swift war, thinking foolishly that they could steal our newly founded city. Now we are at a stalemate, however new Dutch innovations are on the horizon.
Spanarkel8
The western winds carry the stench of said snowmen into our lands. Our people grow more and more angry each day. We must cleanse environment of your stink!
Horselover Fat
It is with a sad high-pitched fart (the kind where buttcheeks are clenched and it's just one long melodic tone that sounds like a dog crying), that Smelly Peter stares into the darkness, the brown eye of the future. Wondering if his people will live long enough to know what follows the darkness.
April 19, 2019
Joe
May 2, 2019
Joe
Session 2 Begins - Turn 67: 360 BC
Darren
Behold the wonders of the Inca! We delight in problem-solving and engineering, constructing hitherto unknown methods for farming upon the great hills of our land. Our magnificent achievements include the bountiful Hanging Gardens and awe-inspiring Machu Pichu.
Joe
Joe
Southern politics is so confusing. The Zulu wonder how you keep track of who is at war with who.
Nate
At last the Dutch and Chinese have established a new peace.
Long may it last.
1
Darren
The Inca cheer their western neighbors and applaud their movement toward peaceful coexistence.
Joe
The Zulu are concerned about the spread of Farts, but do not advance the proposal.
Nate
The Chinese pass (gas).
Darren
The air is clean and invigorating high up in the Incan mountains - we smell nothing.
Joe
Horselover Fat
Hey everybody! Uncle Peter here, just letting you know, it's you who are great. Winks and farts at the same time
finger guns
Joe
Nate
The humble jungle-people of China slowly begin to emerge from their primitive state. Inspired by the discoveries of their technological neighbor and historical enemy, the Chinese have begun experimenting with books and histories instead of endless war. Time will tell if a true civilization can begin in the jungles of the Middle Kingdom or not.
Darren
The Incans bask in the glory of a golden age, spurred on by non-stop breakthroughs in engineering and scientific achievement. Our people's minds race with the thoughts of new ideas that propel us ever forward. Our mountain lands teem with great works, as our hearts and eyes seek ever greater challenges, forgoing seemingly trivial matters like art, culture, and thoughts of the afterlife.
Meanwhile, our merchants have meticulously planted the seeds for a healthy intra-civilization network, which we hope to expand by opening our trade to foreign allies, of which we have many. We hope that those empires who still seek death and war will lay down their arms and partake in the mutual prosperousness that peacetime can bring, as evidenced by our own respectful relationships with the Zulu, Chinese, and more.
NicoDemonous
I Dipto lead my people to keep the seas safe for all travelers and push the barbarian hordes of the north into the frigid waters there
May 3, 2019
Nate
The Dutch fought very well, employing a number of tactical maneuvers and clever use of combined arms. Our defenses needed to constantly adapt to drive them back, and many brave Chinese died in defense of the fatherland.
Zar
The Classical and early Medieval eras were fraught with loss and death as the Sino-Dutch war raged on. Despite our technological superiority, the narrow jungled terrain made invading the Chinese homeland nearly impossible. Though our men nearly penetrated their city walls multiple times, volleys of arrows from deep in the jungles prevented us from claiming victory.
Battles raged on multiple fronts with heavy losses on both sides. At last, seeing the destruction brought to the citizens of both empires, Dutch and Chinese leadership declared a ceasefire. We now hope to rebuild peacefully and work together to raise up all peoples of the Midlands.
Though at war, the Dutch did not neglect our infrastructure or developing new lands around us, establishing 2 new settlements and our nation's first amphitheater for the development of Dutch arts. Now at peace, we turn back toward developing our world class scientific establishments and revitalizing our markets as important strategic trading posts between the wild southerners and mysterious northern empires.
May 23, 2019
Joe
Session 3 Begins - Turn 106: 900 AD
Joe
Nate
The great city-state of Babylon continues to change allegiance, as the great powers vie for control of the wise city.
Rumor has it that the Netherlands have conquered two Macedonian cities in the ongoing conflict.
Joe
Joe
The Zulu officially denounce Russia's attempts at converting our people
Go home, Farters.
NicoDemonous
Are people thought we were being invaded by the Dutch, but we guess they are just 
y , for now
y , for now
1
Nate
The Middle Ages was an era of discovery and progress for the Chinese, as they very slowly began to emerge from their jungles to partake of the fruits of the world. New friendship with the Dutch pacified a previously hot border, and the Chinese Empire could dedicate itself to more peaceful pursuits, like learning to read, write, and sing. Progress is slow, but we have established what may be finally called a civilization, at last.
Darren
After a prolonged period of wealth and achievement, the Incans fell into a dark age. Our greatest minds toil away on our terrace farms, unable to make the visionary breakthroughs that once came easily. Meanwhile, a series of three devastating tornado cells ravaged Incan land, even as our best weather experts struggle to understand the continuous formation of such storms on mountainous land.
Religious fanatics from the distant Russians run rampant across our hills. Fearing the harm their backwards ideas might do to our rational way of life, we have placed our own faith in our ever-stalwart neighbors, the Zulu, even as we continue to enjoy a quiet yet respectful border with our other more mysterious allies, the Chinese. Shortly after our discovery of the beautiful Great Barrier Reef along our sea border, sailing vessels of the Phoenician people arrived seeking entry to our southern gulf, though we respectfully hold these waters as our own.
May 24, 2019
Zar
Just after securing a lasting peace with the Chinese, Dutch lands were again threatened. Our troops spotted a small group of Macedonian riders as they prepared to ambush our Eastern settlements. Luckily our technologically advanced weapons made quick work of the barbaric horsemen. Encouraged by our success in battle, we mounted a swift counterattack and captured 3 Macedonian cities including their capital.
Nate
The Macedonian Empire declares war on the Zulu and the Inca! (1420 AD)
Spanarkel8
Death to all!
4
Joe
All men must die.
WOE ARE THE ZULU!
pay me
I am the only thing standing in the war of total fart domination!
Nate
You have our support, friend!
Joe
earn diplomatic favor and VPs by donating today!
Nate
Spanalexander is lonely.
1
Joe
Horselover Fat
Our farts carry across the world. Beautiful brown smears that run in parallel painting the sky like a kaleidoscopic endoscopy. Eat food from our shrines and temples (there are only beans, natto, and gorgonzola), then embrace the chill winds of the motherland, of which the gusts whisper bbbbbbrrrrrrrrprprprprprrppppp, whoever smelt it dealt it in a low toned reverence for the life given to us. The Zulu are our greatest adversary, plugging our methane excess with a big windy snake thing, kind of looks like a poop, they call Zef. Onward our improv comedy groups roll, fast like the wind, and full of it too.
June 4, 2019
Joe
Session 5 Begins: 1440 AD
Lo, it is a miracle. Our apostle has survived the onslaught of three fartists.
1
The Zulu declare a holy war on Russia.
You will never convert our people from the one truth, Zef.
Nate
Russian victory incoming?
NicoDemonous
9turns
Nate
China is sorry desu
To whatever end. Where is the horse and the rider? Where is the horn that was blowing?
Joe
RESIST FARTS!
Spanarkel8
The people of Macedonia celebrate as they tear down the Tver campus!
Joe
We can dealre war on the farters, and guarantee a victory.
JOIN ME
Nate
China stands with the Zulu. May Lord Buddha free us from this gassy business.
Darren
As do the Inca - our mountain havens are not to be clouded with foul miasma
Spanarkel8
Burn it down!
Nate
Our saviors arrive!
Joe
Joe
The Zulu thank China and the Phonecians for their gifts
Nate
China is the best!
Joe
We will hunt the warmongering Macedonians to the ends of this Fart-forsaken world
Nate
Though much of the world contends with epic forces and participates in complex geo-political intrigues and schemes, China is content to dwell in peace. Where once we studied the teachings of the Buddha, then we contemplated the utility of farts. Now, Zef promises us deliverance, so fresh. Amidst all of this, we have cleared the cursed jungle that once imprisoned us. Chinese explorers have reached the northern coasts and behind them followed settlers. Our republic thrives, though only modestly by modern standards. Our universities are modern, if simple. Our markets contain goods from around the world, if only a few. Our friendships are many though, and despite the violence of earlier eras, there is peace in the Middle Land. It is enough.
Zar
The Dutch embody the spirit of the industrial era. Our largest cities bustle with banks, factories and churning coal power plants. Meanwhile builders flock to the newly acquired Macedonian lands to mine, farm and complete various infrastructure projects. Perhaps our greatest achievement is the invention of flight and our first manned airplanes.
Though we maintain a friendship with the Russians, our leaders have become suspicious of their cultural influence over our people. Thus new laws and policies were enacted to encourage domestic tourism and reinforce Dutch national pride. We hope that a strong feeling of Dutch identity and culture will lead our people to further prosperity in the future!
Horselover Fat
Our holy sites, wonderous cathedrals, monasteries and temples fill with mementos from our dead farters. Though the belief in the divine gaseous being is dwindling, our people have repurposed their love of flatulence. Picture the Bolshoi theatre, it's beautiful walls echo the squeeky fart shoes of it's ballerinas, their elegant arms swinging and pivoting in synchronization with the ringing of the whoopey cushion going, each strike louder than the last. Our museums fill with the art of all generations, displaying the past present and future.
Though we maintain friendship, our people are growing worried of the hostile nature of our Dutch Neighbors. With their aggressive conquering and their theft of art, they have stolen from the extra smelly collection of old. Aged like fine cheese. As they begin to cover the continent, modern historians are naming this growing threat as "The Dutch Oven".
1
1
June 5, 2019
Darren
The world grows small as we Inca struggle to find new territory, having spent too much time cooped up in our increasingly crowded mountain-side cities. A turbulent change of government has stripped our people of previously comforting luxuries and we pursue new trade opportunities in order to pacify the discontented. Our mighty neighbors cast long shadows and the people on the very edges of our frontier land consider changing allegiances, even as our government works hard with various projects designed to recapture the Incan heart. We race to construct new universities and research laboratories in the hopes of ending our dark age and achieving a new spirit of enlightenment.
June 13, 2019
Spanarkel8
With the rebelling citizens of the once great Macedonia empire breaking down his chambers door, Alexander the Great scribbles his ink and quill (most civilizations have computers at this point). The mob rushes him with weapons, stabbing him through the heart as he releases his final carrier pigeon carrying a script that says “Death to Russia”. Unfortunately for Alexander , the bird died immediately upon entering the atmosphere due to the smog of Farts. May the world always remember Alexander the Great.
1
Nate
More Chinese speak Russian than Chinese now.
Joe
The farters have been rebuked!
The Zef Zealots cannot help but wonder what cloisters they have retreated to
Nate
Joe
The Netherlands has declared war on Russia
Joe
The Netherlands has declared war on the Zulu
Zar
World War!!!
NicoDemonous
Switzerland
Joe
Nate
Wilzarma this turn
June 14, 2019
Darren
Floundering in our second dark age, the Incans struggle with the purpose of existence. What is it all for? Where are we going? The peoples on our newly settled border cities seem ready to give up, entranced by foreign powers. Distant spies steal money from our coiffeurs and tensions around the globe heat up as surging powers amass more military might than any one leader should hold.
But on the cusp of nihilism, a breakthrough: the scientists in our newly powered research labs, inspired by the towering mountains in whose shadows they labor, turn their eyes toward the stars. A new idea permeates the Incan collective: Space - the final frontier.
With a renewed sense of purpose and energy, the Incan people rebound, entering an unprecedented heroic age full of explosive wealth, growth, and production. But even as we set our sights on renewed lofty goals, the specter of war looms on our doorstep, threatening to destroy everything that we might achieve.
Joe
The Zulu are the world's forgotten people. In the vast flat grasslands of northwestern pangea, they have had little to speak of as a civilization throughout all of history.
In ancient times their brave warriors pacified the lands, fervently praising the one truth as they did so. Followers of Zef became zealous in their worship, fighting with a mad bloodlust beneath its banners. They sharpened their spears and swords on the barbarians, they built Ikanda to train their bodies and souls, but larger war never came. Nestled behind the mountainous Incan lands, there was no one to lash out at.
Instead, their faith was attacked by the Farting priests of Russia. Devoting themselves to the defense of Zef, the Zulu erected numerous holy sites around the few mountains in their vast grasslands, and enacted policies under a Theocracy to fight back the foreigners and their false faith.
The Russian Flatulators gained no ground in Zululand, as Zef Apostles dropped mad bars upon them. Eventually the conflict escalated into a Holy War, and Zulu troops removed Farters by force.
Reveling in their victories, the Zulu looked back to the world at large, and found that it had left them behind. Other nations had taken to the skies, developed explosive weaponry, and other massive machines of war. Even the Ass-Ripping Russians have moved on, devoting themselves to culture instead of religion. A Farting Priest has not been seen in foreign lands for hundreds of years.
At the advent of the World War, the Zulu have their faith, and little else. Still, they rise to stand with the world.
NicoDemonous
The World at War, we thought we could maintain our isolation and solitude on our own continent. But our people remember the proposed trade embargo and hear of suffering in the rest of the world. We had to turn our boats back from exploration and now survey for where we stand to make an impact in the war front.
Zar
Dutch culture and traditions continued to be assaulted as the world began to modernize. First from newfangled Russian rock bands, then from heretical Zeff preachers. The new Dutch communist party soon realized that these foreign agents sought only to divide and destroy the collective goals of our society, and with no other means to rebuke their deceptive power chords and hymns, our people once again geared up for war.
In what the foreign Zeff propagandists are calling 'The Great Sacrifice', our tanks rolled over a foreign missionary spreading illegal teachings near the Sino-Dutch border. Though our generals attempted to destroy any evidence of his death, it was too late. News traveled fast and anger amongst Zeff's loyal followers rose even faster. Enraged by the event, the Chinese, Incans and even solitary Phoeneicians turned against us.
As first-hand witnesses, the Chinese were first to strike against us. Though they had significant numbers their antiquated military technology was no match for our futuristic airforce. Rows of field cannons and soldiers were mowed down, unable to fire in retaliation. Pointless losses defending a foreign heresy. Will other nations follow suit? Or will they protect the lives of their people and abandon spreading outdated lies?
June 16, 2019
Darren
The Incan department of foreign relations adds the following statement to our previous global newsletter:
Oh, and tornados. Lots of tornados.
June 20, 2019
Joe
Session 7 Begins: Turn 180 - 1770 AD
Joe
Joe
Joe
Darren
Despite numerous assurances that they would leave the Incans to their own ends, the Dutch now bombard Incan land from above with their planes. The Incan people have left the Dutch unmolested for all time, and even voted against the emergency proposal when the Dutch began invading our Chinese allies' land.
Joe
The Zulu D-Day on the Dutch-occupied Alexandria has begun, and the walls of the city have proven impregnible.
Still, they try
Darren
We, your ancient allies, wish you luck against the two-faced and warmongering Dutch
Farwell Ayacuchu - we exerted tremendous effort to settle your walls in unforgiving territory.
Joe
They burned it to the ground. The atrocity.
1
Joe
Dutch Jet aircraft make quick work of field cannons and pike+shot
NicoDemonous
Yeah, I was surprised how it ate a submarine armada
Joe
Zulu troops amass for D-Day, knowing full well most of them would not make it through the invasion
The battle was bloody, and many Zulu troops died, but Alexandria fell.
The troops continues to be bombed by advanced aircraft, which they have little to no defense against. The troops feel their victory will be short-lived.
Zar
Beset by enemies on all sides, Dutch troops continued to push into hostile territory. In the South our progress was slow due to the fortress of St.Petersburg and renewed Russian reinforcements. However, we continue the seige and have made handsome profits pillaging the Russian countryside.
Our greater successes have come in the north as our Jets and tanks quickly overtook the Chinese heartland. Unfortunately to prevent Chinese rebellions and mass migration to the closeby Incan cities, it was necessary to attack the peaceful Incans. Dutch leadership regrets this turn of events, but chalked it up to natural casualties of war.
On the east coast an enormous Zulu force beseiged Alexandria and eventually overcame their defenses. However, many of their men sacrificed their lives in the battle and we do not fear any further advancement from them.
In the midst of all this violence, Dutch scientists and engineers were hard at work to put the first satellite into space. Soon we will reach the moon and celestial bodies beyond, and all nations will recognize the Dutch as leaders of not only this world but the universe!
June 21, 2019
Joe
Darren
Beset by the ravenous, traitorous, and callous Dutch war machine, I, Pachacuti, leader of the Incans since time immemorial, issue the following statement:
I don't want to live on this planet anymore.
2
Joe
Are there mountains in space? Only the Inca will know, once the world destroys the Dutch Wermacht
Session 8 Begins: Turn 203 - 1864 AD
Nate
Immediately and without warning, Dutch regulars continue the genocide of the Chinese people. Shenyang is exterminated as his march continues northward.
c. 10,000 dead, twice that missing.
Darren
We feel your pain, old friend. The Dutch continue their massacre into Incan territory, wiping out everything they behold
Nate
It is an epic struggle of the light against the darkness, freedom versus oppression and domination. A human tragedy if ever there was one in the world of Pongeria.
Nate
St.Petersburg falls to the might of the Dutch oven
The Chinese issue memorial postcards: Remember St. Petersburg. 1868.
Joe
Nate
1872
Fascists take control of the Zulu government!
Joe
This is a war for survival. Luxuries such as "freedom" and "liberty" cannot be afforded.
Nate
China weeps for what Zulu has become.
Darren
THE INCANS MANAGE TO DESTROY ONE OF THE DUTCH UNITS
1
1
1
Joe
VICTORY
Horselover Fat
Where once God smiled upon the white snowy canvas of Russian land, where scripture, comedy, art, architecture and music thrived. Where the people lived in peace and lived only to spread what we believed could lead to a good life. The pristine snow upon which our people grew, and created art in attempt to capture the beautiful and sublime, has turned to ash. Filled with the writings of men to be forgotten, the rubble of our monuments, and the bodies of our dead.
When once us Russians thought ourselves the saviour of the world. The leader of the living into that great awe that can be found in thought and creation. Now we sit atop the tomb of what we could have been, choosing to live out our lives in peace, in comfort awaiting the end. To all that have been an ally to Russia, thank you.
1
Joe
STRENGTH
The cowardly dutch built a wall around St. Petersburg!
Joe
Joe
The only army in the world capable of mounting any real resistance to the Dutch, the Zulu strive to deny the enemies of the world their precious oil.
Converting the city before the assault, they find many zealots within the city to aid the siege.
June 28, 2019
Zar
Content with our new lands in the north, Dutch troops rallied to the southern tundras to cement our victory over the stronghold of St.Petersburg. Despite Russian anti air defenses our bombers laid waste to the snowy capital and finally our ground troops infiltrated the city.
The magnificent theaters and temples which once drew tourists from around the world were reduced to mere shadows of their previous glory. Russian murals and statues were systematically replaced with Dutch military imagery to celebrate our victory over the once dominant culture. Fearing for their lives, the Russian citizens who had not been conscripted or killed in the pillaged fields succumbed to the new Dutch leadership quickly.
Meanwhile the Zulu nuisance continued to plague our Eastern coasts. However their progress was minimal as our air attacks prevented penetration into the heart of our empire.
Tired of war and without any allies in this world, the Dutch ruling class began to invest heavily in AI and space exploration. As robotics and industrial automation revolutionized our society private investors poured resources into the development of high speed interplanetary travel and artificial biomes fit for human survival.
In a breakthrough project our engineers launched an exoplanet expedition bound for an earth-like world. News of the launch and subsequent planetary colonization rapidly spread throughout the world. Seeing that they were doomed to be left behind by the technocratic overlords, common men from all nations decided to lay down their arms and abandon the world war. Perhaps without the greed of the spacefaring Dutch rulers the world could once again live in peace.
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