Pong 12 - Gamechat

Pong 12


=============================== Pong 12: Draft Player numbers (in order joined): 1- Nate, 2- Joe, 3- Pete, 4- Tel, 5- Zar, 6- Darren, 7- Horse
Choices:
Player 1 German Player 2 Ottoman Player 3 English Player 4 Māori Player 5 Arabian Player 6 Chinese Player 7 Spanish
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Session 1 Begins: Turn 1, 4000 BCE

I am Fredernate II. Of Germany. Behold my fabulous hair.

More like Frederick Barbarianossa

Behold world, it is I, Pooh The Magnificent. From my throne I oversee the construction of wonders beyond imagination, as I "encourage" my slaves to perform beyond mortal limits! Whether clearing jungle or acting as the hands that make manifest my divine dreams, there is no task that Pooh's labor army cannot complete.

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1

We share our land with the stern, yet amenable Arabians, who act fairly and prefer peace as we do. We are open to relations with other foreign bodies, though we tolerate no trespassers on our drawn borders. We seek not conflict but will defend ourselves if provoked.

Under the watchful eyes of Ibrihim, the Grand Vizier, Pasha, Head Falconer, the residents of Halep defend their homes and their holy mountains from murderous Vandals, Gepids, Goths, and Saxons. The barbarians are born from the forests themselves, slipping out of any wooded area where they are allowed to dig their warrens into. They are a horse people, but the thick forests of the Amber Frontier slow them enough to make direct assaults on Halep dangerous. The two empires shoot arrows back and forth, horses and spears trying to outmenauver the other. The Ottomans want only peace. To live in their sacred forests and holy mountains.

My lord look at that juicy land.

The Ottoman people had barely opened their eyes in this world before they had Germanic knives at their throats. All they know of these people is violence and fear.

Arabian civilization grew from the fertile wheat fields along the Wadi Hanifa river. In our infancy, archers and scouts rushed to defend us from the southern barbarian camps; now we use their marksmanship in the productive hunting camps that dot the edges of our empire. Seeing the rapid advancements of our Chinese neighbors, our people turned to the prophet of Islam for guidance of how to proceed. He taught us the ways of peace and encouraged us to pursue knowledge and happiness in our homeland rather than seek riches abroad. His teachings have become so popular among Arabians that even foreign cities have begun to adopt our religious practices. As Arabia continues to grow in the shadow of the wondrous Chinese, we hope to meet other great civilizations that rival those on our continent.

The Chinese apologize for their earlier gaffe in referring to the Arabians as "Egyptians". We promise we are not a racist people and can actually tell the difference between various foreigners.

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3

November 8, 2019

Borne forth from the quarries the Spanish sprung up. It was amongst the cold stone that the first nipple became erect, spurring the thought "oooh bet that would look good with a clamp on it". Thus our religion was prophesied, on megaliths, adorned with chains, ropes and clamps. These accoutrements hang from our ships as we explore the world, ever asking "Can I clamp it and use it later?", Tobacco, no, tea, sort of, bananas, definitely. I guess you could say, we are an inquisitive people. When we first happened upon the red crustaceans, our minds were blown, our nipples erect, nipple clamps.... for hands? Surely these crabs are the symbol of our people. Our specialist doms travelled the land, discovering the people's of Turkey (gobble gobble gobble they spoke to us) and the Teutons (toight). Nipple clamps have spread to almost every city in the known world. The accessories and the culture that comes with them are direly needed for stress relief during these hard times of war. Remember friends, hurting people is only ok if it's consensual.

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2

✝
1

The Germans are a sad, depressed people. Born of a volcano and trapped in a rocky jungle, we were excited to meet our neighbor. We were nervous when we discovered that they lived right on top of us, so we begged them not to settle too close lest we become eternal enemies. As expected, the Ottomans chose violence and have begun the colonization of our sad, pathetic homeland. We will suffer and we will die. Remember us.

The great wave of Mukti churned up the mud of the sea and the spirit of life and upon crashing upon land created the mystical Maori people. It is Mukti who we claim as our patron god and creator and bask in his life-giving waves with every chance we get. Our people have spread across the islands at a break neck pace. We prayed to Mukti to continue to guide our people across the oceans and to this end he awarded us with an expedition sent to settle the nearby volcanic islands. Unfortunately, this crew mysteriously disappeared and our navigators, even with Mukti’s blessings, have been unable to locate them. As we explore more and more of this mysterious world we have met the productive Chinese and the quiet English. We hope to welcome and establish friendly relations with more peoples of this place and spread the blessings of Mukti to all we encounter

November 14, 2019

Session 2 Begins: Turn 65, 440 BCE

The German genocide of the snow people of Kumasi is complete

(The Ottomans paid them to attack us. We were only defending ourselves.)

Yes, I'm sure that them being within 50 tiles of your "real capital" is enough justification for such ruffians

Sadly, the Arabians end our millennia-long peace, declaring war against the Chinese even after our offer of Diplomatic favor

Spain condemns the actions of the Arabs.

So falls the great city of Chengdu

We merely claim what land is ours.

Ridiculous. Know this people of the world: the Arabs are greedy liars. Early on we agreed on territory rights on this land. We even asked the Arabs' PERMISSION to settle the desert. We proceeded no further, and staked no further claim. Now, centuries later and without warning, they invade, claiming to take "what land is theirs".

These Arabs sound like they share a common ancestor with the Germans. Some rabid cur in their blood.

Permission to settle, but not to purchase tiles into our cities and build an ugly wall!

De wae of de wall is not wavey

Incapable of building such miracles as our own Petra, they invaded and stole it from our noble craftsman.

Indeed the Chinese have more than their fair share! Islam teaches us to share. And now the Chinese have learned.
November 15, 2019

The next time the Chinese build a wall, it will be twice as good and we will make the Arabs pay for it

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1

Surrounded by the fruits of our ancient ancestors' mighty labors, the Chinese have developed a stern but reverent culture which both pays tribute to past generations while seeking to top their accomplishments. To that end, our greatest minds seclude themselves in candlelit chambers, meticulously crafting the greatest written works yet conceived of by man. Their breakthroughs lead to the discovery of other forms of art, which our new government finds useful in pleasing the population, thus making them even more productive. Our labor force, now freely employed and kept satiated by our many luxuries, as well as the ongoing games at our great Colosseum, transforms the land as it goes, leaving no stone left unmade into something useful. But in the south, our once peaceful neighbors the Arabs have turned on us. Breaking an ages old agreement in which we asked and received their permission to settle an eastern stretch of desert, their horsemen invaded our land without warning, capturing the city of Chengdu with relative ease. In private talks, the Arab leaders admit that they covetously eyed our great creation, the desert wonder Petra. Let their dishonesty and unabashed greed stand as a global warning to all who would deal with them. However, the Chinese are nothing if not learners. We will not let ourselves be taken advantage of again by smooth talkers who take but do not contribute.

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2

November 17, 2019

Arabians have become a learned and devout people, following closely the orders of the Islamic clerics. As our religion spreads throughout the region, so does our knowledge and influence in the world. Our scholars, hard at work in newly constructed Madrasas and Wats, have begun to unravel the mysteries of this world. Surely Arabians will be the most technologically advanced people in the world soon. With knowledge and discovery came new military might as well. Though we graciously allowed the Chinese settlers passage through the northern mountain pass into our desert, we could not have expected their rapid expansion in the region: purchasing large tracts of land, building strange wonders, and even threatening our borders with an infinitely long wall. We eyed these developments with caution as we did not wish to break our good relations with them. However, soon it was obvious what we must do to secure our sovereignty in the region. Newly trained Mamluks descended upon Chengdu, backed by catapults which blasted the city walls. With little in the way of defense, the city quickly fell into our hands. Cheers rose from the Muslim Chinese factions in the city while those loyal to the great Pooh fled to the north. Now we are at a standstill, with both sides unable to press through the narrow mountains. Only Allah knows what will become of this conflict in the future.

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1

The people of Mukti have continued to follow the current and settle wherever his mighty waves deposit us. Along the way we have met many new peoples and have discovered that the world is indeed round. The people of Mukti were saddened to find many of the other peoples killing each other. War is not the way of Mukti. Mukti's most devout followers and scholars, the sea priests, have begun embarking across the vast ocean and spreading his good word to all that would hear it. We hope that the word of Mukti brings peace where there is now war!
November 19, 2019

Session 3 Begins: Turn 101, 800 AD
7 turns remain in the Medieval Era

The shameless pirates of Mukti have declared war on Nan Madol. This is an affront to all nations ,and directly contradicts their peaceful words of the past!

The people of Nan Madol are seafolk. The Maori have dominion of the islands.

The people of Nan Madol are infidels who put up unacceptable idols
They disrespect Mukti even as his waves bless them and for it they shall be washed beneath his mighty wave

The Maori have been nothing but kind and generous to the Chinese. We see no harm in their actions.

What's a "sea"?

It's like the inverse of the desert in our southlands.

If Mukti's people were so great, they would be able to sway the people of Nan Madol without resorting to violence!

The followers of Mukti are unnerved by the zealotry of the Spaniards

The earth itself rejects the German invaders, as Laacher See erupts, killing a Teutonic Knight attempting to move through the pass.
Similarly, German horseman patrolling the deserts of the southlands were caught unaware by a grand haboob. They are not of the sands, as we are. Ottoman troops were quick to capitialize on their lack of preparation to defend their homes.

Hey there, yeah you. Have you ever wanted to be your own boss? Have you ever wanted say "Hey, I'm the man of my own house!". Well now you can, and it couldn't be simpler. Let me tell you a secret not a lot of people know. whispers: "it's the nipple clamps." So I bet you're wondering, thinking, hold on there big boy, what do Nipple Clamps have to do with MY income? Simple, you clamp then on your nips, then you get 2 friends to clamp them on their nips, then those two friends clamp THEIR nips! See where I'm going with this? I know you do, cause you're a smart guy, of course you're a smart guy, that's why you're listening to this! So why not invest in your future? Learn how YOU can become a CERTIFIED nip clamper TODAY. nipple clamps are not liable for blood loss, inability to lactate or bodily harm that may occur from extended nipple clamp use, nipple clamps are used solely at the risk of the user and the governing body can take no responsibility WOW! Sounds great! What else do I get for being Nip Clamper? I'm glad you asked BIG BOY, check out this commerative coin, a guaranteed replica of the clamped nips of our President Saviour Nipphillip II. WOW, BIG BOY, but what if my friends don't want clamped nips? What if they take my nip clamps to stop the nips from getting clamped by the nip clamps? How do I know I'm safe? There's no need to worry about that, BIG BOY, if you ever feel threatened while trying to help your friends, know that the nip clamp Armadas are just a call away at 0800 NIPCLAMPARM. As we like to say here at NipClamp Inc, Camera spins go huge crowd chanting: "IF YOU CAN'T CLAMP THE NIPS, BLAST THEIR DICK OFF!"
There you have it folks, what are you waiting for? Become your own boss, YOUR own HOUSE! No more waking up next to grandma's saggy nips cause you're too poor to buy more than one bed. Just call 0800 CLAMPMYNIPS or visit CLAMPMYNIPS.com for your chance to become a RESPECTED, CERTIFIED, NIP CLAMPER, BIG BOY. Why are you still reading this? Go sign up now, right now!

☎️
2

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2

This era was an eventful one for the Maori, Mukti's faithful. The sea priests made a horrifying discovery that in our furthest flung settlements our people had been corrupted and had been partaking in the cult like practices of nipple clamping. They begged Mukti for forgiveness and to spare the world. Mukti in his rage sent a massive storm that nearly leveled the capital of the empire but with it came the fabled wave binder. He emerged and carried with him a prophecy telling Mukti's sea priests to overthrow the King and that they did. They established the Holy Mukti Empire and thus begun traveling the world searching for evil innovations and infidels. They first encountered the fiends of Mohenjo-Daro. These people did not partake in nipple clamping but they had several false idols worshipping sea demons. For this the sea priests commissioned a force to subjugate these blasphemous mongrels. Mukti blessed this force and they succeeded. Later in their travels they came upon the mysterious kingdom of Nan Modal.
Nan Modal too housed pagans. These people were nominally Mukti's servants. They prayed to Mukti but introduced several blasphemous innovations into their worship. They continued to pray to local idols. They carried with them wooden nipple clamps. These fiends were perverse in the worst way! The mighty tide crashed upon Nan Modal and sunk its evil people to the floor! The sea priests are seeing to it that all remaining infidels are banished beneath the waves!
In other news, the sea priests cemented an alliance with the people of China. They are an ingenious people and very friendly. Many of them have also accepted Mukti's teachings!
At the command of the sea priest council and the fabled wave binder the Maori will continue to cleanse the world of evil
The Arabians were not pleased with our actions in Nan Modal and even offered to pay us to stop our righteous crusade. The sea priests paused for a moment to consider this. Pious as they are, Mukti loves gold too. In the end, it was determined that the crimes of the pagans outweighed the gold offered and thus cleansing needed to continue

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1

November 20, 2019

Arabians continued our pious pursuit of knowledge as we always have. However, as the world progresses, we have had to look outside the isolation of our Madrasas more and more. We have taken to the seas and found a world in turmoil all around us. Seeing the blood-stained fields of the endless German-Ottoman war and the ruthless conquest of culturally rich city states, our people have grown fearful. But the steady will of Allah guides us still. Even Allah's prophets have been threatened though, first by evil Mukti and then by the perverted nipple clampers. We wish for our nipples to be free from pain and to not wallow in the Mukti muck. Thankfully our English neighbors agree and have fully embraced the divine knowledge of Allah. Currently all nations may call Arabians friends, but be wary those who would attempt to divert our path of righteousness and learning.


December 10, 2019

Session 4 Begins: Turn 135, 1440 AD

China welcomes the outside world's trade - come one, come all. There's enough profit for everyone!

trade
1

Who?

China is a myth in Germany.

Hmmm
Germany wishes to announce that the rumors are greatly exaggerated.
Laacher See erupts for the 5th time, decimating the landscape still further.

The Sea Priests of Mukti denounce the activities of the Nipple Clampers

Arabia declares war on the Maori

The Arabians are treacherous !

We seek vengeance for Nan Madol!

German votes are for sale. Best offer gets 3 votes.

The Arabians have attacked under a false premise! they freed Nan Modal long ago yet they continue to murder Maori people!
They have razed our cities to the ground and burned us at the stake!
Atrocities !

The Arabians continue their global bloodbath against our kind friends, the Maori. Beware, peoples of the world, those who seek to live in peace may need to stand united against such a threat to world civility

The sea priests have been slain and the seas dyed red with the blood of innocents! Under the cover of night the Arabians launched a surprise invasion of our territories. They struck with such great force that not even Mukti's waves could drown their ships. They razed our city to the ground and burned women and children. They freed the infidels of Nan Modal and they continued their unholy war by bringing their machines to the peaceful lands of the north. One by one they demolished our cities and murdered our people in cold blood. The time of the Maori is short but Mukti will live on forever. We plead to the rest of the world to not trust the Arabians.
They will engage in diplomatic negotiations one minute and the next they will burn your innocents alive

The tragedy of the Maori echoes our own experience with the Arabians - do not trust in their diplomacy. They believe agreements are made to be broken.

We had absolutely no agreement with the Maori! This is false news being spread by Mukti! They implored us to gang up against the Nipple Clampers, but we never made any agreement one way or the other.
We freed the slaves in Nan Madol, and requested a fair offer to spare Maori cities on the islands. However, Mukti was too greedy to even make us an offer. So his people will bend to our will and learn the way of Allah.

The world market of resources

Star metal and magic gas. It's mostly science fiction to Germans.

Ottomania's holiest temples are probably built atop a-bubblin' crude. We'd never know.

December 19, 2019

Session 5 Begins: Turn 167, 1705 AD

Our backwards people cannot catch a break! We bseech the world, aid us!

Mount Paektu errupts in one of the most massive volcanic explosions ever recorded!

The bloodshed in Germany is catastrophic. So many losses on both sides.
Walls of death.
The Ottomans burn Cologne to the ground. There were no survivors.

The evil Mukti defeated and Islam defended in London. A great day for Allah!

Remember us cruel world.
I call on all civilized nations to punish the hateful and barbarous Ottomans for their crimes and genocide!

😢
1

This is an outrage!
The Germans have done nothing but terrorize the Ottoman people since the dawn of time!

Oh that old story? Let it go. You've been selling that myth for over 3000 years.

At last, the sacred forests are at peace.

Blut. Kan. Blood. So much blood. The sacred forests were watered with it; They grow tall and mighty.
The Bloody Goons, sackers of Colonge, survive German kamakazie Pikes by the skin of their teeth.
Despite our victories, we are a backwards people. The world left both Germany and us behind, fighting over mole hills.
January 9, 2020

Paused for diplomacy
The World Congress
Results of the World Congress

Monster
Game chat continues here: Part II

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