Pong 9: Gamechat II
Continued from: https://pongreport.blogspot.com/2019/05/pong-9-gamechat.html
Joe
Session 4 begins: Turn 105 - 1480 AD
Pongitian fanatics assault exploratory Tortoi missionaries in the amber fields of Barcelona.
@Nate : We mean no harm, and have no intention to convert any cities on Asiamerica.
They have murdered the missionary
1
Horselover Fat
To the nubile wanderers of England, the Western thigh of Africa is in monogamy with Fine-icia, do not settle here.
Horselover Fat
A love letter to the future, if England decides to initiate intercourse with us via their ironclads, we will go rough and hard with them in return.
Telrenaur
Despite the vast technological gap between our empires the Zulu have won the emergency declared against us!
Joe
Is the Great Zulu War over? Are they truly victorious?
Telrenaur
Peace has been restored
Even the Maori have agreed to peace
Joe
Horselover Fat
Spanish missionary is very boring and not accepted here, we have crabs, and we will keep them. Know that if you force us into missionary without consent, there will be retribution.
Joe
The great Hamp'atu has belched forth gouts of magma in levels never before seen. Geologists are calling it a "Megacolossal Eruption." We seek aid from anyone and @everyone who would give it.
Great leaders of the world, show your mercy.
WORLD CONGRESS SESSION
Horselover Fat
Spain, your missionary is not wanted, move away at once before there are consequences.
Telrenaur
Zulu travelers have heard of yet another great flood in Canada
Joe
Y'all cheap!
Telrenaur
The zulu are a people who have very little
1
1
Joe
Telrenaur
These were trying times for the Zulu nation. After a brief celebration commemorating our victories over the Maori the world decided we were villains! The Canadians to the north brought their superior firepower to bear against the Zulu nation. Our troops raced through the jungles to prepare what they could of a defensive line. Although some of our most veteran Impi fell defending our kingdom, we managed to hold out against the northern menace. Regrettably we lost our second most ancient and northernmost city early in the war. Nonetheless we held all of our conquests and managed to scavenge technology from the few Canadian troops we managed to kill and produce our own firearms.
Only time can tell what the future holds for the Zulu people. The ever restless city in the sands, Opango, has decided yet again to rebel against our rule. Zulu rulers contemplate burning the city and its untrustworthy people to the ground for their insolence.
Nate
The conflicts between Canada, great lord of the Asiamerican peoples, and Zulu, our kindly neighbors, continued to be a source of great anxiety for the Spanish people, and they labored near constantly for a diplomatic end to the confrontation. Finally after centuries of efforts, Pongita restored peace to the bountiful continent and, as always, the Spanish celebrated (for Pongita is Lady of Festivals so there is usually a party somewhere at all times).
The Renaissance and Industrial Eras flew past in Spain as our people focused on two great callings: first, to modernize our economy and infrastructure with the advantages of our recent technologies imported from our Canadian and English friends, and second, to end the tribal confederacy to the south. For too long the barbarians had pillaged the valuable lands that rightfully belonged to Spain. A modern army was dispatched to end them, but just as they were about to depart, Pongita sent us a special Apostle – a Heathen Converter – who marched at the head of the army and worked miracles. The Spanish army swells with the ranks for the old tribal confederacy and several new cities have been seeded. The future looks brighter than ever in Spain. Pongita be praised.
Zar
Though we fought valiantly to liberate the Maori capital, our effort was delayed too long by the Zulu forces stationed in the thick jungles and narrow mountain passes. Despite our defeat, Canada did incorporate the city of Nobamba into our empire, and thankfully not many of our troops were lost in the skirmishes.
Much greater successes were had back home in the tundra. Our architects built various awe-inspiring wonders to house the world's finest art and music. And the development of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police force brought safety to our citizens and nature alike. Citizens from around the globe have started flocking to our ruggedly beautiful national parks. Soon visitors will also be able to enjoy other recreational activities such as skiing the soft powder of the Great Northern Ring.
Nate
The Spanish are eager to explore the pleasures and entertainments that Pongita placed in the north.
1
A landscape painting by a Spanish missionary of the famous Huey Teocalli (ahem).
The rebels of Opango
March 8, 2019
Joe
A wandering Tortoi Apostle admires the Tabernas Desert and Spain's beautiful mountains as they begin the colonization of the south. He is shortly after assaulted by Pongitish fanatics.
Those same fanatics made their way to Austrafrica and attempted to convert the Incan cities to their heathen god, but were rebuked at each turn.
One city temporarily fell under the heathen's religion, and suffered loyalty problems as a result. The heresy was swiftly purged by Incan inquisitors.
Though the Indisutral Era was dark for the Inca, they worked dillegently to build a better age for their children. The Modern Era will be quite different.
A modern rail network has connected several major Incan cities, and new lines are already planned and underway.
With the Industrial Zone embargo finally done, the Incan cities are rapidly industrializing, and generating power from coal and oil.
Pongitaism is a plague, and has spread to far too many cities.
The Canadians have been bribing the governments of local city states in attempts to curry favor with them, and have been successful in Anatanarivo after failing in Geneva.
As always, the Incans wish only to be left alone.
Nate
Let the world know that Spanish oil is available for sale. Current price: 40g per barrel (discounts on large shipments)
Joe
A Theocratic Petrostate. How banal.
Nate
Spain requests that the world not listen to Incan lies. No Pongitaist has ever proselytized. Only those cities without faith, those lost in ignorance, have ever been given the Truth on the foreign shore. Pongita takes no issues with the turtle or the Tortoists, despite their attacks on our religious explorers.
We pray the the whole world will one day hear the choral songs of Lady Pongita, but there is no compulsion in faith. Pongita is endlessly merciful.
Joe
Evidence of Pongitish aggression is available in our great temples, for all to see.
March 14, 2019
Joe
The Incans would like to remind our friends that we are still recovering from a megacollosal eruption. Anything helps.
Session 5 begins: Turn 133 - 1770 AD
Joe
The Incans would like to remind our friends that we are still recovering from a megacollosal eruption. Anything helps.
Session 5 begins: Turn 133 - 1770 AD
Joe
Climate change is real, and affecting our world.
Horselover Fat
Spainish missionaries are not welcome in the lands of Fine-icia, leave at once, or I will cum.
Joe
The British are the worst offenders, by far.
Spanarkel8
Climate change isn’t real!
Joe
Canadian spies have stolen a great work from an Incan museum!
Nate
Pongitaism is not spread by the sword or the curse. We will not go where we are not wanted.
Horselover Fat
Thank you for respecting our Moist Crabs.
Joe
Fine-icia declares war on France, bringing its city-state allies with it.
A potential religious emergency is spawned by wanton Pongitish conversion. The Incan Tortoi do not participate.
Horselover Fat
Paris is empty of soul, and I love filling holes.
Joe
Another Incan artifact was stolen by the Canadians
Nate
The sea levels have begun to rise.
Joe
Joe
Canadian metal reaches the Incan empire.
Nate
London burns as the lead polluter of the earth is flooded
It seems Paris has fallen.
Horselover Fat
Paris is now filled with the mighty gerth of Horsedido.
Nate
Joe
The people resist her. Will she break them?
Spanarkel8
It appears our ignorance towards the planet has finally caught up to us
Nate
Paris has stabilized.
Joe
Dido's best dom, Victor, saw to that.
Nate
Spain is proud to announce that, thanks to its policy of conservation, it has never experienced a negative storm or weather ever.
Joe
NicoDemonous
I would give my trip to the Vancouver National Park 5 out of 5 stars but the pillaged hockey rink along the way was a real downer
3
Nate
Spain is proud of its humble achievements
March 15, 2019
Zar
With the dawn of the Atomic Era, Canada has set itself apart as the premier tourism hub of the world. People from all nations flock to our extensive National Park system for hiking and moose viewing. Sporty types can enjoy our hockey rinks and various ski slopes. Those who prefer to take it easy on vacation are free to relax at our seaside resorts or peruse our world renowned National History Museum. For those who are not lucky enough to travel to the Sweet North, several Canadian Rock bands are currently on tour overseas. Don't miss them!
Joe
Canada's museums are populated with stolen artwork and Incan artifacts! It is an outrage! But they're all the way over there, so.
1
The Incans continue to lead the world in scientific development, as we modernize our infastructure and begin to look to the stars. Several launch pads have been erected throughout our empire.
Our common faith, large cities, and sprawling terrace farms, led us to find strength in the unity of our people. Shedding the class antoginisms of the Merchant Republic, a dictatorship of the proletariat has siezed control of the government in a swift, bloodless coup.
Horselover Fat
Horsedido celebrates with her people as our first golden age begins, heroic indeed this golden showering has taken the place of the previous age of the stinky brown eye. Our people reign victorious over the people of France. Our armoured tanks ploughed them hard, always use protection when penetrating the holes of your enemy.
Our people enter a new life, as the wealth we acrued from our merchant past allows us to live with freedom, mobility, choice and our shared desires. Our democracy shines like the finest nipple rings, begging to be joined with the hand of another. Let us be allies, and share our love with one another beneath the stars, and the protection of the volcano.
Although we must also address the elephant in the room. Quite literally because the Canadians have become increasingly obese since the golden syrup age, their culture of overeating is seeping into the fabric of the world. Normalising an unhealthy and unattractive lifestyle. We wish to help them, so that the world may be free of their culture before it is too late. We hope that others will do the same, become culturally aware of your past and embrace it! Show the world the efforts of your people! From Kamasutra to Caligula Festulae show the world who you are, do not let their fat flabs roll over you and smother you! Be healthy and sexually active! We will give you Crabs if that will help, overweight hockey, though hilarious, is not a replacement for intercourse.
Nate
In the dawning of the Atomic Age there was peace. The Asiamericans settled into a content modernity as Zulu, Canadian, English, and Spanish people cooperated to achieve greater heights than ever before. Spanish officers train in Zulu fighting schools. Our children read books in English on science and technology, and wealthy families take vacations to see the natural wonders and arctic serenity of Canada, but above all else, the whole continent prays to the Goddess of Fun, Pongita, for she is very, very good.
The Spanish economy now thrives and industry blossoms thanks to the twin philosophies of oil refinement and natural conservation. Pongita shields us from the harsher weather of the new age as climate change begins to take root in the world, our sacred trees and wats protect us. It is truly a blessed age.
But increasingly the elder pujaris hear whispers on the north wind that the end is coming. Many of the priests have shared a dream of a world community, not just of Asiamericans, but all humanity united as one. It is said that dreamers hear the sacred music of Unknown Diamond, a popular Canadian rock band whose remixed Pongitaist choral chants became a world sensation in recent years.
March 19, 2019
Joe
Session 6 begins: Turn 152 - 1864 AD
France will not stand the test of time. Fine-icia is victorious after millenia of mutual hatred.
1
1
Horselover Fat
Enemies of Fine-icia will face harsh retaliation should they stand against her.
Nate
Sea levels continue to rise
Nate
Unknown Diamonds continues to rock!
Joe
Hot Islands are finding fans in Canada. It is a battle of the bands.
Joe
The Canadians have denounced the Inca, and we know not why. Can they not handle the metal?
Zar
Tonedeaf Incan listeners rejected the rock of the Unknown Diamonds! For this alone you deserve to be denounced
3
Telrenaur
The world has learned the city of jizz has been electrified
What ever thieves lurk in Zululand SHAME ON YOU. We are a poor people. You steal pennies from beggars
Nate
Telrenaur
Miraculously, the long lost Zulu fleet has been sighted outside Motupohue
Joe
Joe
The Canadians have committed atrocity
Nate
Nuclear war breaks out in 1906.
Nate
The polar ice caps are gone.
Nate
The world of Pongeria in 1914 AD
Horselover Fat
Our phallic land shoots islands in climax. Even from space we represent the erotic in our borders.
2
March 20, 2019
Zar
The Atomic age has lived up to it's name, as Canadian war profiteers drummed up support for nuclear stirkes against the evil Incan empire. Our citizens, once content with entertainment, began to fear the possibilities of Incan technology when news of their moon landing reached our ears. Furthermore, this spectacle drew vast numbers of tourists away from our parks and resorts. Unhappy that Incan space tourism may eclipse our own, Canadian business owners were easily swayed by arms dealers and politicians to vote and approve a declaration of war.
1
Despite a few casualties at the hands of Incan missiles, our initial strikes have been effective, leveling 2 cities in the Incan heartland. Our troops continue to push deep into the terraced hills in hopes to complete wipe their culture from the earth. The Phoenicians have come to aid our foe, but time will tell if their reinforcements can save the mountain people. Luckily Canada has many allies of its own who are certain to benefit if we are successful in this war.
Horselover Fat
Fine-icia condemns the actions of Canada, penetrating without consent into the bosom of the Incan mountains. The King of the Mountains has always been fair and kind, we hope that our newly formed military will be able to reach them on time.
Nate
The pastors and gurus of Spain greet the eruption of nuclear war with a type of glee that seems alien to outsiders. For Pongitaists, this conflict and its magical horrors are the fulfillment or prophecies uttered long ago. Viewing it as little more that further proof of the superiority of their goddess, the truthfulness of her teachings, and the divine approval for Canadian rule, the Spanish delight in the green wave.
The Spanish people speak Canadian, eat Canadian food, wear Canadian fashions, and obsess over hockey players who live hundreds of miles away, but they pray in Spanish to a universal goddess who chose to live in the Spanish mountains and called Spanish people to lead her Wat. It is enough.
Joe
From their lofty peaks to their rolling hills, there was abundance in the lands of the Inca, and the communal government ensured that every citizen benefited from the nation's prosperity. None were left behind, every Incan had a seat at the table. Life was good. The people were free to pursue their desires in culture and science.
The people enjoyed Canadian rock music, especially Unknown Diamonds. Their performances drew large crowds, and their music inspired many different Incan metal bands, eager to share their own unique sound with the world. Eager to perform on the largest stages in the world, the Quechua-Canadian fusion bands sailed to the great white north. Most prominent among them are Hot Islands, who has performed in front of every wonder in Canada, and many of amphitheaters.
While the two great nations had a battle of the bands, Incan scientists continued their advancements in rocketry, satellites, and biodomes. Their theories and schematics leaped ahead of the the industrial capacity to produce workable prototypes, as the most productive cities in the hills did not have adequate flat terrain for launchpads and spaceports.
Centralizing nearly all trade in their capital and sending workers from various cities, marvels of science were constructed at a rapid pace. In just a decade the Incans went from their first spaceport to a putting a satellite in orbit, landing on the moon, and establishing a Mars colony.
The Incan people were energized in ways never before seen anywhere in the world. They wanted for nothing, and they were the envy of the world. Their scientists discovered an Earth-like planet 25 light years away, Inca-Centauri, and feverishly began theorizing about faster-than-light travel.
Then the Unknown Diamonds had an especially bad show. Their lead singer, Frank Zarra, had a bad case of the Maori flu, but insisted on playing anyway, believing his faith in Pongita would see him through. It did not. The performance was lackluster, as Zarra's voice gave out several times, and culminated with him vomiting on the stage in a cold sweat.
The Incan metal fans were furious, and a riot broke out.
The performance was decried by various critics as "dogshit," "horrible," and "the worst performance by any group of musicians ever, in the history of mankind, even worse than the inane performances of traditional Spanish choral singers."
Unknown Diamonds broke up shortly after, citing "creative differences." Their pride could not handle such a blow.
Nor, it would seem, could the Dominion of Canada.
The overly-sensitive, thin-skinned, cannuck-cuck libertarians immediately denounced the Inca following the breakup of their most popular band.
2
Allies of the Incan people informed our government that an invasion force was being assembled, and our meager navy confirmed the presence of several Mountie armies and terrfiying nuclear submarines.
Our nation made preparations, but it was for naught. One of our greatest friends, a cornerstone of modern Incan culture, opened their attack with the greatest atrocity in history.
Millions of people died when Canada deployed their first nuclear weapon on Qusqu.
The Incans responded with their own nuclear weapons, attempting to destroy the Canadian invasion force at sea, but they were too numerous, and too spread out.
Over the next few years, Canada would use several nuclear weapons on the Incan people, utterly decimating their armed forces, and destroying both of their Spaceports. The first FTL-capable ship was abandoned, half-constructed, as the launchpad fell into disarray.
Moving quickly, the Canadians razed a city of hundreds of millions to the ground, and have now occupied the Incan capital.
The remaining Incans sit atop their mountains as the Canadian death-machines approach, looking to Inca-Centari with tears in their eyes.
Despite the nuclear apocalypse, Hot Islands continues to perform throughout Canada. Get your tickets today!
March 28, 2019
Joe
Session 7 begins: Turn 167 - 1914 AD
Joe
Joe
Nate
Incan terrorists have detonated a nuclear device in Quebec City. Thousands perish.
Joe
Heroes, true.
Nate
Score
Nate
Final world map - turn 186: 1949 AD.
March 29, 2019
Zar
The war in Australafrica raged on, with brutal casualties on both sides. Canadian troops continued to raze the evil Incan cities filled with heresy and strange wonders. However, nuclear resistant robots and sexually aggressive Phoenician ships dominating our reinforcements stalled our progress short. In the end it was all for naught as the secretive English followed in the Incan's footsteps and launched into space. Scared of what horrors might befall them on Earth, England swiftly developed their new home on the foreign planet. Though defeated, Canadians are still proud that we developed the most cultured society on Earth. Now we look to reinstate the sweet times that we enjoyed in the Golden Syrup ages of long ago.
Comments
Post a Comment